Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Joke of the Day


The New Boots

An old farmer went out and bought a new pair of boots. He was really proud of these boots too and couldn't wait to show his wife.

He got home and she was in the kitchen washing dishes. He stood with a huge smile on his face and asked, "Notice anything different

She turns and looks him over. "Nope."

Frustrated, he goes to the bedroom and takes off everything except the boots and goes back into the kitchen.

"Notice anything now?" 

"All I can see is your limp dick. It was that way yesterday and it'll be that way tomorrow."

"Yes, but look at what it's pointing to. My new boots."

"Huh," she replied. "you should have bought a hat Marv, you should have bought a hat."

Monday, August 29, 2011

Joke of the Day


In Too Far
A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed.
"If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked.
"Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend.
And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.

Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel.
"Go and get help!" he cried.
"But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!"
"Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself."
Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!"
The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Six Sentence Sunday #7

This is a snippet of a love scene from Eternal Bliss between Kyle and Laine. A current work in progress. Enjoy!

“Can’t stop, damn, I can’t get enough.” He squeezed her ass tighter; spreading her cheeks in is palms. He slid a long finger between them using the slick moisture from her arousal to lube her puckered star and then pushed in.

She gasped at the new sensation; it burned and felt good all at the same time, throwing her over into oblivion. Her orgasm crashed over her fast and wild. She bucked and writhed against him, her pussy gripped him as her sensitive flesh rippled around his shaft.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Joke of the Day #5


Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass and say, 'How about a blowjob?' ... and she's always sound asleep."

Friday, August 26, 2011

Flash Fiction Friday #3



“I’ll be the best you’ve ever had,” she whispers in Marcos's ear.
“As soon as this elevator opens I’m going to unzip my pants, you’ll get on your knees, and blow me, like a good little girl.”
“Yes, Master, I’ll take you in my mouth and suck your come down my throat, Sir.”
“If you’re good Rhayne, I’ll pleasure your sweet pussy with my tongue, but if you’re a bad girl, I’ll spank that little ass of yours till it’s nice and pink.”
Ding. The elevator doors slide open. They step inside and she hears the rasp of his zipper.

I hope you have enjoyed my interpretation of this picture, now please click on the links below and enjoy the other Flash Fiction Friday participants.
Chris Quinton

Davee Nielson

Jp Archer

Rhea Archer

Betty Carlton

Sarah York

In addition, I want to extend a heart-felt thanks to my fellow author friends, Marcos London, and Kharisma Rhayne for being guest stars in my FFF fantasy. Please click on the embedded link in their names to stop by their pages and find out what kind of interesting mischief they’ve been getting into.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Joke of the Day #4

A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, 'I wish I had bigger tits'. The boyfriend says 'well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your tits for 2 months'. 'How will that help to make my tits bigger?' asks the girlfriend.
'Well it worked for your ass' says the boyfriend.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Excerpt from Eternal Bliss


“Come on, it’s this way.”
“You weren’t kidding about being excited.” He moved quickly keeping pace with her.
She turned her head. “You’re damn right I wasn’t.”
They reached her bedroom and he waited while she went to the bathroom to brush. When she came out, he was already naked lying on her bed. Damn, his body was amazing. His chiseled physique was astonishing. His ropey arms would hold her so tight. His soft masculine lips gave her gooseflesh, just thinking about them kissing her body. He was absolute perfection come to life. No longer was he broken and battered, but a healthy virile man. Her man.
His erection thick and long was rigid against his belly. He stroked it up and down as she approached the bed. She could see the tiny bead of pre-come in the slit. Her mouth watered to taste it. His salty-sweet taste would burst on her tongue.
“I have something I need you to take care of.” He stroked himself again, giving an “mmm,” of satisfaction. “You’re a bit overdressed. Take off that gown and let me see that gorgeous body.”
“It’s not so gorgeous anymore.” She crossed her arms, grabbed the hem, and yanked it over her head.  A bit self-conscious with the gown gone she covered herself with her hands.
He frowned. “Don’t hide yourself from me baby. I love your body like this. Our child has made you more beautiful than ever.” His hot palm rubbed across her belly, making her quiver. She could feel her damp need between her legs. She remembered masturbating in the bathtub and blushed.
“Don’t be embarrassed. I love you just the way you are.”
She crawled on the bed. “I’m not embarrassed, I’m horny. It’s a side effect of pregnancy, so it’s a good thing you showed up when you did.”
He pulled her head down for a possessive, demanding, curl-your-toes-and-make-you-cream, kind of kiss. God, she had missed him.
Their tongues danced together in a sensual duel igniting a fire inside her. She reached down and stroked him from root to tip, while she kissed him senseless.
He broke the kiss. “Damn, baby, I love the way you touch me.” He closed his eyes and pumped in time with her strokes, up and down his cock.
She licked his flat nipple as she fondled his balls in her hand. She wanted to please him.
“How should we do this? I don’t want to hurt you or the baby.” He looked a bit stressed, like he wasn’t the, ‘in control’ Kyle she’d always known. He had always taken her in hand and commanded her body, but now he seemed apprehensive. She decided to take matters into her own hands, quite literally. She reached down using two fingers to rub her clit while the other flicked her nipple. “Mmm, this feels good, Kyle.” 
Kyle was on top of her in a nanosecond. “Don’t stop touching yourself. I want you to come for me.” He put his head down between her legs, licking her seam. She was ready. He could taste her arousal on his tongue. He licked his lips. “Now, this I remember.” He opened her delicate tissue, exposing her little hole and lapped her juice up like a starving man. His tongue fucked her in and out, eliciting tiny whimpers from her. He wanted to see her face, but the baby bump was in the way. He watched her fingers make swirling patterns on her clit and swore under his breath. Damn, she’s sexy. He licked her fingers. “Let me take over, babe.” He moved up and licked her hard nubbin with the flat of his tongue. He had to hold her hips, just to keep her still. She writhed in his hands, seeking more pleasure. Pleasure he was willing to give. This was his dream every night since he’d been home. The dream he couldn’t quite remember, but haunted him relentlessly.
“Mmm, that feels so good. Whatever you do, don’t stop.” She rolled her hips in time with his strokes, making little mewling sounds that were torturing him.
He needed her hands on him, her lips, that velvety wet tongue licking his cock, sucking, taking him all the way in. He wanted to love her with his body and soul, to show her through pleasure how much he cared. She was his goddess, his life, hopefully his wife.
He hummed, vibrating his tongue directly on her clit. She squealed and shattered in his hands. He lapped greedily at her juice, taking in her very essence.
She tried slamming her knees shut as he continued his sensual assault on her pussy, making her squeal again.
“Please, sir, I need you inside me now.”
“Sir. Damn, I love that.”  He came up on his knees, spread her creamy white legs further apart, and dipped in one excruciating inch at a time. He felt the little aftershocks of her orgasm, massaging his cock, pulling him closer than he wanted to be to his own orgasm. He tried thinking of other things to keep his mind occupied. The foot bone’s connected to the leg bone. The leg bone’s connected to my cock. Ah shit, I’m gonna come.
His pumps became shallow and uneven, his cock rubbed against her clit with every stroke. He watched her eyes making sure he didn't hurt her, but rather gave her pleasure. His balls were slapping her ass with every thrust. He felt the telltale tingle in his spine, his balls drew up, he pumped two more times and came inside her, calling her name.
He fell on his elbows keeping his weight off of her, and then rolled to his side, pulling her into him. He placed his hand on her belly feeling a small movement. His son was growing in her womb, and he couldn’t be happier. Now all he had to do was get his mama to agree to marry him. He had an idea, but he would have to hurry before they closed. He had to go get her the ultimate gift.

Excerpt from Redeeming Justin a current work in progress



Jaz Tyler hadn’t any idea what to do next. She’d never invited a stranger into her bed before. But, she wanted Justin, wanted him bad. Her thighs quivered with anticipation, and after witnessing the size of his erection on the dance floor, she ached to feel him inside her.
But, the butterflies in her stomach were threatening to make her spew. She could just picture herself in an unsexy pose bent over the toilet, with him holding her hair. She closed her eyes and blew out a breath. I shouldn’t have had beer. It always makes me nauseous.
She was thankful her son was out of town. He had more than shared his opinion about her dating. He was afraid men would want her just for the money, or for the ranch, but she didn’t see that in Justin.
No. She saw a man who was genuinely interested in her. From the kiss that curled her toes and caused her panties to dampen, she was more than sure about Justin.
She took his hand and led him to her door. Her hands were shaking so bad she could barely get the key into the lock.  He put his hand over hers to steady it, a comforting gesture. One she appreciated. Together they turned the key.
The cool air from the house hit her causing her nipples to bead into painful points. Of course, it could have been the thought of Justin sucking on them. He certainly had that effect on her body. She wondered idly if he would make love with his cowboy boots on or off. She could clearly picture him standing naked with his boots and his hat on. Just that thought had her practically panting.
The last time she’d made love was with her husband, and that was two years ago. He was always more of a polite lover than anything else. Sex had never been exciting, and lasted all of about twenty minutes including fore-play. She scoffed. Which was nothing to write home about. She’d faked so many orgasms with him that she probably hadn’t actually come in years, unless it was by her own hand. But, with Justin, she believed right down to her curled toes he would be a
wild man in bed. So, yes, she wanted to have sex with Justin McClain.
“What can I get you to drink?” She stood at the bar, holding up an empty glass.
“Whiskey would be good. I’ll take whatever you have.” He took a seat on the large leather sofa next to the fireplace. “Would you like me to build us a fire?”
“Oh yes, that would be lovely.” She poured two shots and carried them to the den.
She watched as Justin broke kindling and tore paper and stuffed it under the rack, then watched his arms flex while lifting the logs into the fireplace. He really was an impressive male specimen.
She couldn’t wait until those arms were wrapped around her doing wicked things in bed. If they made it to bed that is. She wouldn’t mind being taken right here in front of the fireplace.
She watched him; he had precise movements, each one with purpose. He controlled his body well. She wanted him to lose that careful control with her, to give in to his primal instincts and ravage her. She wasn’t some young school girl that needed to be treated with kid gloves. She was a forty five year old woman who needed wild passion, and reckless abandon.
“How about it cowboy? You want to take a wild ride in the hay?” Why skirt around the issue. I want what I want. She was nervous as hell, and didn’t know what his reaction would be, but she hoped he was just as excited as she was.
He froze with a small log in his hands, and turned to her. He dropped the log on the floor, and kissed her. He didn’t have to urge her mouth to open to him, she was ready. Their tongues dueled in a sensual dance, tasting and caressing the one another. Her heartbeat hammered in her chest. Her mind scattered to the winds, all thoughts gone, just the sensation of his kiss remained.
He tasted of beer and something she couldn’t quite name, but was uniquely Justin. Pure raw man. His fingers stabbed through her hair as he deepened the kiss. She couldn’t breathe but she didn’t care. She was lost in him.
He broke the kiss and looked her in the eye. “Are you sure this is what you want?”
“I’ve never been surer about anything before. It’s been so long I need this.” God, she needed this. Needed to feel his hands all over her body, needed to feel that silver tongue licking and sucking on her nipples, she needed him to give her a night of pure pleasure. She went in for another kiss. It was gentle but sensual, a promise of more to come.
Jaz threw her thumb over her shoulder. “My bedroom is that way.”
He bounced on the couch a couple of times. “What about right here? It’s nice and comfortable, and we’d have a fire.”
She already had a fire going in her panties. Lord, if the man didn’t touch her soon she’d spontaneously combust. She couldn’t remember ever being this turned on by a man before. Maybe it was his demeanor, the way he carried himself, so sure in every motion. She had the feeling he would be a very dominant lover, which suited her just fine. There was nothing on earth sexier than a man taking charge in the bedroom. “Here is fine,” she said almost in breathless anticipation.
“Let me get the fire going.” He stood and grabbed a match from the box on the mantle, and lit the paper. The paper slowly burned, lighting the kindling and logs on fire.
 A beautiful blue-green and yellow fire burned bright behind the glass in no time flat. Was there anything the man didn’t do to perfection?
The room filled with dancing firelight reflecting off the glass coffee table and their whiskey glasses, making the amber liquid glow. She could clearly see the two of them naked and sweating on the Persian rug in front of the fireplace. Him on top, or her on top, both rolling around in a passion induced haze. The ache in her core grew to unbearable proportions. “Justin, please, I need you. I can’t wait any longer.” She took his hand and placed it over her hammering heart.
“I’m not a gentle lover. I won’t hurt you, but I’m not easy. You need to be sure.”
“I am sure. I want you to be in control, I don’t want to have to think, I just want to feel.”
“You sound like my kind of woman, and I aim to please.” He had her stand up. “Take off your blouse. I want to see your pretty breasts.”
She hesitated and he gave her a stern look. He watched as she slowly untied the corset style opening to the blouse, loosening the ribbon and revealed a pale pink bra that pushed her cleavage up showing off her ample globes.
“You have no idea how beautiful you are.” Justin held her gaze, unwavering.
“Undress all the way. Show me that gorgeous body.” His stare seemed to penetrate her, pinning her in place, helpless under his command.
She seemed to be aroused by his dominance. She toed off her boots, unbuttoned her jeans, and shimmied out of them quickly. She had to feel his touch as soon as possible. Her over-sensitized flesh felt hot to the touch. She stood in front of him clad only in her bra and panties, nervously biting her bottom lip.
“I said undress all the way. Or do you need help? Tell me if you do.” His nostrils flared, taking in the musky scent of her arousal.
She huffed out a breath and shifted her eyes away from him. “I need help.”
He rose from the couch, stood mere inches away from her, hooked his thumbs in her panties and slid them down. As he bent down he came face to face with her carefully manicured folds. He’d heard of women having a wax job, but he’d never seen one. There was just a small triangle of curls pointing like an arrow to her slit. He stood to remove her bra. He popped the front clasp free spilling her breasts into his hands. Her rose colored nipples puckered into hard tips. He massaged her breasts eliciting a whimper from her. He took her arms and pulled them behind her back and gave her an order to keep them there.
She nodded her understanding.
He bent his head down and licked the areola of one nipple. Her breathing ratcheted up a notch, making her breasts rise and fall in his hands. He slid one hand down grazing her abdomen. She quivered under his touch. He kept going down to her pussy. He didn’t have to enter her to know she was ready. Her arousal covered her lips making them slick and hot. He brought his fingers up to his mouth and licked her cream from his fingers. “Mmm, finger lickin’ good, baby.”
He used those fingers to trace a pattern around her nipples leaving a cool wet trail behind. Jaz gasped as they traveled south again. He delved into her slick heat finding her hard little nub. He rubbed across it ever so gently making her legs shake. He put an arm around her waist to steady her and kept up his sensual assault on her clit.
She shook and moaned, but he was surprised she’d kept her hands behind her back. He’d have to reward her for that.
 He dropped to his knees. “Spread your legs for me, sweetheart.”
 She did, and he used the tip of his tongue to lick the length of her slit, each time licking her hard nubbin. He held her hips, and sucked her clit into his mouth rolled his tongue across it and she exploded, bucking and jerking, riding his face. He lapped at her delectable juice, tasting her tangy spicy flavor, enjoying the hell out of his woman.  And she was his.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Joke of the Day #3


Rodeo Sex

Two guys are talking over a beer, discussing various sexual positions.

The first guy says my favorite is the "rodeo" position

The other guy asks what the rodeo position is and how to do it.

The first guy says, you tell your wife to get on the bed on all fours and then do it doggie style. And once things start to get underway and she's really enjoying it, lean forward and whisper in her ear - "Your sister likes this position too..."

Then try to hang on for 8 seconds.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Six Sentence Sunday #6

This is a continuation from last week from Eternal Bliss a work in progress. Laine and Melanie are having lunch and Melanie is pushing Laine to follow through with Kyle.

Laine covered the mouth piece whispering to Mel, “It’s just ringing.”

Melanie rolled her eyes. “Okay, well, when it goes to voicemail leave a message telling him you're on fire and you need him to put you out. 

Laine almost closed the phone, unsure what to say. Why couldn’t he just answer the phone? Of course, she still had no idea what to say to him. Hi, I’m Laine, the woman you might have knocked up with a glow-in-the-dark condom.